I’ve been on this planet for 30 years, and if it’s taught me anything, it’s that we all have some shit to clear. Pardon my French.
Time and time again I come up against the same message. Whether it’s about our physical health, our mental wellbeing, or generally how to live a better life: our thoughts determine our quality of life. It’s such a simple message really, but getting to grips with it can be a royal pain in the arse.
Let me tell you what I know…
What we’re exposed to in childhood creates subconscious messages that play again, and again, and again without us knowing. From a teeny tiny age, we were absorbing what the world had to offer, the good and the bad, even when we couldn’t make proper sense of it… “Aww baby, don’t cry, have some chocolate” became a message somewhere in our brain that food is love or food numbs emotions. It was totally innocent. Or how about “Your mum and I are going to separate”… it becomes a message that people you love leave, or that the world isn’t safe (depending on what age this happens obviously- young children really cannot fully appreciate the concept of parental separation). We then use these messages as a filter for how we see the world, and we add to it with all the other experiences we have. Everything we then see in the world gets processed based on what we know… “ah yes well we’ve had an argument so I guess we need to separate now”, or even watching animated movies about evil people being rich can lead us to the subconscious belief that rich people are versions of the devil, so we then subsequently have issues with earning a good amount of money.
A real illustration of this can be weight loss. Let’s say as a child someone you love and really look up to makes you feel totally unworthy (whether it was intended or not… usually it’s not), maybe by telling you that how you were behaving was wrong, or by casually saying that you weren’t very good at something. You hold onto this without understanding or being aware of the actual thought process, and so you continually feel that you’re not that loveable/ worthy throughout your life. You then don’t treat yourself nicely because you have a “knowing” that you don’t deserve to feel good. No matter how much you say you want to loose weight, and you look in that mirror and cry with desperation to change, somewhere in your subconscious mind, you’re telling yourself that you actually need to stay where you are because you don’t deserve to feel amazing…. Because then, guess what, you WILL feel worthy, you WILL love yourself, and hey… that absolutely does not fit in with everything you absolutely KNOW about who you are. And if you don’t know who you are then what the actual fuck is life all about?! CRISIS.
Can you see how utterly complicated things can get and how a seemingly simple action can actually be tied in with years of unintentional painful shit? And yup, you gotta work through that!
The biggest problem in all of this is that we don’t know it’s bloody happening!! It all goes on in our brain every minute of the day, whilst we sip on our cuppa tea. The only way you’ll really know is if you take the time and figure it out.
Methods for figuring it out include:
- Asking yourself WTF is going on
- Journaling (to also ask yourself WTF is going on but on paper…)
- Meditation to quiet the chatter and calm the brain so that you hear WTF is going on
- Therapy – so someone else can help ask you WTF is going on
- Exercise/ singing/ painting / some kind of movement or creative expression… again to quiet the mind, get things flowing and hear WTF is going on
But basically what this all boils down to, is figuring out WTF is going on… for you… from a long time ago… which can take time. I know… what a ball ache. It’s worth it though in the long run, once you clear the garbage.
You need to really start by figuring out the FEELINGS behind something, then the emotions will come and a possible realisation, linking everything together. So you can start a bit like this:
Me: *Picking my nose*
Also me: Why am I picking my nose when I don’t really want to, it’s a bit gross?
Inner voice: Hey girl, thanks for finally checking in!.. Umm OK what is the FEELING behind this? Like what are you feeling when you’re doing it?
Me: Dunno, just making sure my nose is clean
Inner voice: No, really. What is it? What’s past that? I’ll give you a minute.
Me: Actually… TBH I do it when I’m feeling uncomfortable
Inner voice: Uncomfortable? What’s that like?
Me: Yeah, actually it kind of feels like I’m a bit jittery inside
Inner voice: jittery?
Me: Yeah like panicked and I feel suffocated, and I just cannot sit still
Inner voice: why can’t you sit still?
Me: I don’t know
(There WILL be resistance from you at letting things in BTW)
Inner voice: What don’t you want to deal with?
Me: I FEEL SO BLOODY LONELY!!
(…and there it is)
Inner voice: Ok… so when did this start?
Me: When my partner went away and I had a mountain of shit to deal with all on my own
Inner voice: Wow ok that must’ve feel lonely
(Make sure you validate that shit!)
Me: Yeah it was awful. But also… God I can’t believe I’m thinking about this… but I also remember feeling incredibly lonely as a kid.
Inner voice: As a kid? What was going on for you?
Me: Umm my mum left and my dad never had time for me
…And BINGO… this is where the real emotion is. Your innocent nose- picking habit is not just an event on it’s own… it has been formed by a deep feeling of loneliness and isolation. It became something to help you cope with what life was throwing at you. I know… it’s DEEP stuff.
This method of discovery can go on, for hours, days, weeks, months, and possibly even years. What you’re looking for is a POP, something that you just know to be true, and it may hurt like hell. You can pause, you can ask for help (and I encourage this), but girl, you gotta dive into that muck at some point.
Here’s what I know to be true…. You can do whatever nutritional protocol or diet there is out there, but unless you address whatever your ingrained beliefs are, the results may be temporary or you may just scratch the surface without making true change. You may even see great results and then plateau, because that voice inside that you’ve been ignoring wants to be listened to! Yeah, it’s scary, but wow how good are you gonna feel when you come out the other side? And you will.
Really, your body is trying to tell you stuff all the time. It can start as a feeling of upset, it can move to a physical pain, and it will keep giving you messages to talk to it until you actually do… or die. Yeah ok I know that was extreme, but it’s kind of the truth. You have infertility issues? You have PCOS? You’re in agony every month? You have depression or weight that you can’t shift? Your body is yelling at you to talk to it. Yup, I went hippy on you (you knew it was coming when I mentioned meditation though didn’t you?)!
If you want to make amazing, lasting changes, you need to take a great big, massive leap of faith and uncover the dirt that’s been holding you back! You can totally do it, but really… just do it!!